Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
