Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I touched a dick in church today
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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