I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
