Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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