The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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