It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
