i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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