Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
