UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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