Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
false alarm. still invincible.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
