Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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