College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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