wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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