i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
