Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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