Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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