shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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