Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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