hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
