I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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