so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
