Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
