Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
