all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
