i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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