I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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