Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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