You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
