I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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