as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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