So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize