His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
