I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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