Too much gin, very little bucket
We need to rekindle our bromance
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
