I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
