Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just pee around me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
