just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
