6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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