I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We have started to decorate penises.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
