I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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