Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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