I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
