the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
