so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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