I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
be right there i have to get my cape
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
