His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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