one two three fourrrrnication!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
