Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
