Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
