Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My dick has a subreddit
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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