I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
