So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
