That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
