you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My dad is sitting where you rode me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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