im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
