is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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