It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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