I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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