Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
