Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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