If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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