i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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