I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
