It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
