I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
