oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
