There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
