I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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