I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
