You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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