I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
