i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
