i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The Olympian is in my bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
