I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
