that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i already hear my dad disowning me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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