Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize