barbara walters just said penis...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
