is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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