i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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