Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
