So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
