i permit you to call me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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