I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
