she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
