the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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