Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
