Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
