Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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