Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
