mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
