can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Mom said you looked used
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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