Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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