Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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