I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
