This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
