I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
