im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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